I’m eating a Sh*t Sandwich. Are you?

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I hope you don’t agree with me here, but lately I feel like I am eating a sh*t sandwich.  It’s like nothing seems to quite get going and I feel overrun and sideswiped with my own self-sabotaging behavior!  I hope you can’t relate, but if you do read on. . .

My first step in tackling this was to sit down and make a list of the self-sabotaging behaviors I am participating in (at least the ones I can identify now).

Why make a list of self-sabotaging behaviors, you may ask, isn’t that just asking for more trouble?

In my experience there is something very powerful about naming what is happening.  It’s like the minute you speak to what’s really happening (instead of letting it run you around) it can no longer play the same game.  Now sometimes, the naming part sounds easier said than done.

The tricky part of self-sabotaging behaviors is that you can’t necessarily see them in action.  They are clever, wily and mutable – always changing just enough that they keep doing their job – sabotaging you!

What exactly is a self-sabotaging behavior?  In my experience it’s anything that you are self-creating to keep you from doing, being, or creating what you truly want.  It can also act as a mechanism to keep you from feeling how you truly feel.  (Why run from feelings?  Because certain feelings can feel waaaayy too scary so you’ll do anything to avoid feeling them!)

My favorite self-sabotaging behaviors currently listed on my refrigerator (revealing my own personal list is SCARY because self sabotage thrives in secrecy and shame, but I am going to out these stinky behaviors even more by publicly sharing them with you):

  1.      Distraction.  I am all over the place and get distracted by anything from the dog, to Facebook, to a phone call to email to laundry so nothing ever seems to get accomplished.  Seeing a movie in the middle of the day is a really good idea, don’t you think?  Hello, self sabotage, anyone?
  2.      Taking care of everyone’s business before mine.  Wait, but their agenda seems so much more urgent. . . and this is a perfect distraction from my own work.
  3.      Collapse.  I haven’t even started and I already see the looming failure so I want to give up, go back to bed, forget it! I am outta here. . . .
  4.      Believing and buying into my own negative beliefs like I’m not good enough at _____________.  I can’t do it.  I don’t know how.  It will be a failure, if I do it.
  5.      Compulsive eating and e-mail checking.  How much chocolate is too much?  How many times do I really need to check my e-mail in an hour?
  6.      Not exercising or getting outside – spending too much time in front of a screen at a cramped desk. (Does your neck feel sore just reading that?  ‘Cause mine is!)
  7.     My favorite and most pervasive:  OVERWHELM.  I let overwhelm bury me and then I can’t find my way out of it.

Now it’s your turn to name a few of your self sabotaging behaviors. . . .

1.

2.

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Are these on your list?  Over or under spending, eating, sleeping, drinking, exercising.  Busyness (while living in NYC, I was notorious for having triple booked my calendar), creating another health crisis, accidents, rescuing others, trying to control others, obsessive negative thoughts, and the list goes on. . . .

The fascinating thing about self-sabotaging behaviors is that they are unlimited!  And totally unique!  Why?  Because YOU are unlimited and totally unique and these (albeit crazy making) behaviors are YOUR creations.

Seriously.  Why would I create self-sabotaging behaviors???

It’s my belief that we all create self-sabotaging behaviors as a means of STAYING SAFE.  That’s right, all these self-sabotaging behaviors are running around creating one crisis after another to keep you feeling SAFE.  That’s why these stinky behaviors will pop up when you get closer to your dreams and your heart’s desires – because getting close to the stuff that makes you really happy can feel downright terrifying, especially if you are more familiar (and even comfortable) with staying in crisis.

Break the cycle of self-sabotage by bringing your own self-sabotaging behaviors into the light.  Share your most shameful one with someone who is close to you, write out your list and even email it to me.  The minute you say it out loud or share it, it can no longer run you the same.  It magically loses its power.   That said, Be alert because one self-sabotaging behavior may mute itself into another until you ask yourself – What do I need to stay SAFE from?  What am I afraid of exactly?

Name the fear underneath all that crazy making and you are on your way to paving that path directly to your heart’s desire (with a lot less drama and crisis).

Let’s go to lunch.  Bring your list of self-sabotaging behaviors and let’s out them.
I promise I won’t bring my sh*t sandwich with me.

 

Disclaimer:  I’ve done my best to share a simplified explanation of self-sabotaging behaviors in this blog. The truth is, it can be a wild and wooly ride to fully understand all the ways you self-sabotage yourself and your dreams.  After all, this requires that you are willing to really look within to understand yourself profoundly and deeply.  And frankly, self-sabotaging behaviors are doing just that, sabotaging you.  They are inherently designed to be difficult to root out. This is not such an easy task to do alone.  That’s where an experienced coach, therapist or healer can make a big difference.

I am experienced and deeply committed to supporting individuals in the process of unraveling the places of fear and the self-sabotaging behaviors that are created to keep you safe but not thriving.  I understand this. I get it.  I hold a safe space for you to dive deeper to look at these places and discover they are not nearly as terrifying as you once believed them to be.  You may discover that you can love and accept these parts of yourself, welcoming in forgiveness, healing, and a renewed momentum like never before.

If you are ready to dive deeper, let’s schedule 25 minutes to talk about working together.  Email me at Elizabeth@ElizabethJoyMueller.com or call me at 917.309.7612.

P.s. Please share with anyone you know on a self-sabotaging mission – thank you!